In the last five days, I have been pushed to the limits of human endurance. That's right, I've been camping. And believe me, I returned wondering why on earth people would choose to do it as a form of 'holiday'. Quite frankly dahlink, I can only describe it as barbaric.
Why anyone would forgo the comforts of a pocket-sprung mattress, duck down duvet, flushing toilet and power-shower (not all at the same time), in exchange for sleeping in a house made from cotton bits sewn together, is totally beyond me. It's pure bloody self-flagellation.
"So what the bloody hell were you doing going camping in the first place?" I hear you cry.
Well, it's like this. Obviously I wasn't camping for the fun of it (that would be an oxymoron), but I was camping for a practical reason; and that reason was a four-day music festival being held in Dorset. I went there with Steve, Izzy, and my friend Sarah (a.k.a the Ginger Peril). Another chum, Timmy (a.k.a Thin David Hasselhoff) was supposed to come, but couldn't make it. I suspect he realised that camping was like living in the Medieval times but with even fewer conveniences.
Tomorrow, I will hopefully post the pics of the festival itself, but in the meantime, I shall leave you with images depicting the gory details of camping.
First off we start with the night of arrival ...............................
Pic.No.1 We arrived at Camp Bestival (the name of the Music Festival, obviously) early on Thursday evening. This is a picture of mine and Sarah's tent being erected. As you can quite clearly see, it has got a grass floor inside. All manner of animals could've crapped on that floor - ranging from worms to earwigs, rabbits and cows
Pic.No.2 On the left, next to my and Sarah's tent, is Izzy and Steve's tent. It too, is fashioned from crudely stitched fabrics
Pic.No.3 Izzy seemed worryingly unperturbed by the lack of basic facilities. Such as a toilet. Or shower. Or power supply. Or high-end sound system. Or phone reception (yup, no internet). Camping was a breach of our human rights
Pic.No.4 This is a picture of the Camp Bestival site at night. It was enormous and covered vast swathes of land. You can't even see 20% of the total site in this picture
Pic.No.5 This is a picture of me before I realised that the nearest toilet was half a mile away
The scale of the camping basic-ness became apparent the next day ...........................
Pic.No.6 This is a picture of my tent 'bedroom'. I had to sleep in something called a 'sleeping bag' which was basically a body-sized condom, except not as warm and nowhere near as much fun (not that I make a habit of sleeping in condoms). It was made from Polyester, so I had to take care to 'earth' myself every few hours in order to prevent electric shocks. Not only that, it didn't come with a pillow, so I had to lay my weary head on a folded-up cardigan. Steve said that I was unprepared
Pic.No.7 This is the camping table that we ate off. As you can see, it is very 'al fresco'. Al Fresco is great when you have a choice regarding the degree of fresco-ness
Pic.No.8 This is the inside of Steve and Izzy's tent. They had a 'carpet' so that they didn't have to stand in worm poo. Steve is fiddling with a camping gadget. I quickly realised that camping involved loads of gadgets, all of which are in-superior to the equivalent gadgets at home
Pic.No.9 This is a picture of me living off the land and eating things that would make a Billy Goat puke. As you can see ... make-up, hair styling and high couture are noticeably absent in the camping experience
Pic.No.10 Here is a picture of the campsite area in the daylight. Multiply it by ten and you'll probably get an idea of how big it was
So my dahlink, I hope you enjoyed the first installment of my 'Music Festival' experience. I shall be back soon to fill you in with the rest of the details.
And before I forget, what the blazes have you been up to in the last week?
P.S. I am woefully behind the game when it comes to responding to emails and blog comments ...... so please accept my apologies.
Tell me what you think by leaving me a comment otherwise you will have to live the rest of your life in a tent
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