Anyway, I was rudely awakened by a loud banging on the door of my apartment. I opened it and was greeted firstly by a whoosh of hot air, and secondly by a small child launching herself at me like an Exocet.
"Mum, you've come!" shouted Izzy with her arms clasped around my neck and her legs dangling around my knees. [Just so you know: Izzy and her Dad, Steve, had arrived in Cyprus four days before me, and were staying in an apartment belonging to Steve's Dad (Paul) and Step-mum (Sue)].
That's the nice thing about children and dogs; they are always pleased to see you, even if you feed them food from packets.
"Yep, I'm here, and we have a whole 10 days to have fun," I grinned at her.
She released her grip from my neck and said, "you are really cold."
"I've got hypothermia," I informed her, gravely.
"What's that?" she asked, wide-eyed.
"It's means that I am suffering from extreme cold," I said.
"But it's really hot in Cyprus," she replied, looking bemused.
"That's why today, I am mainly being ironic," I told her.
"What's ironic?" she asked. Sacre-bloody-bleu. I thought that kids should be seen and not heard.
"Never mind that, let's go over to your apartment and say hello to everyone," I replied, deftly changing the subject.
As we headed out, I was wafted by the heat for a second time. In the Cyprus summertime, temperatures constantly hover around 31 degrees Celcius (88 degrees Fahrenheit). But on a related, but separate note, I am always amazed by the fact that water boils at 100 degrees C. How much of a handy coincidence is that?
Anyway, I digress. Izzy took me round to her Grandparent's apartment and opened the door to let us both in.
Pic.No.1 Sue (left) and Paul (right) were reading on their veranda before they spotted me
After a couple of seconds, they looked up, and saw me standing there.
Sue stood up, grinned, and gave me a hug, whilst Paul shouted in a Brummy accent; "Yow are berluddy late for breakfast!"
And so things were back to normal, albeit in a different country (they had moved to Cyprus from the UK 10 months previously).
Paul and Sue liked a healthy diet, and for breakfast they served up some birdseed-type food (which I later found out was called 'muesli') with yoghurt dolloped on the top.
After chewing for 30 jaw-aching minutes, I finally saw the end in sight.
"What are the sweet bits in it?" I asked regarding my bowl with suspicion.
"Dried fruit," replied Sue.
"Yeh, I thought I could taste vitamins," I said grimacing, "can I just have the muesli on it's own tomorrow? Or maybe a bacon sandwich?" I added tentatively.
"I'll leave the fruit off tomorrow then," stated Sue, ignoring the bacon bit.
I decided to rapidly change the subject after realising that bacon was the elephant in the room (even though I saw Steve dribble a little bit at the mere mention).
"What's the plan today then?" I asked cheerily.
"We're taking it easy because it's your first day," said Paul, "so it'll be the swimming pool this morning and the beach this afternoon."
And because I am kinder than Mother Theresa, except that I have more tailored clothes, I have got some pictures for you .....................
Pic.No.2 Izzy in the pool outside of her Grandparent's apartment. She was still excited to see me
Pic.No.3 Izzy cruising around the pool on a bloody great crocodile
Pic.No.4 After our dip in the pool, I had expressed an interest in seeing the sea (because we don't have any in Oxford), so we stopped off at 'Coral Bay' en-route to our final beach destination - the Akamas Peninsula
Pic.No.5 Another view of Coral Bay. It was picture perfect - white sands and azure seas. It was 'kept real' by the fat bloke on a sun lounger
Pic.No.6 Steve and his Dad, Paul, posing on a headland with their short and hairies hanging out
Pic.No.7 After leaving Coral Bay and en-route to Akamas I noticed that 'Health and Safety' nuts had not yet arrived in Cyprus
Pic.No.8 As our journey to the Akamas Peninsula neared it's end, I noticed a wild flock of goats. They looked a bit vicious, like triffids, so I locked the car door as a precaution
Pic.No.9 After passing the killer goats, we rounded the headland, and I got my first glimpse of Akamas
Pic.No.10 And finally we dropped down into Akamas bay
Pic.No.11 The view of the cliffs from Akamas Bay. There was hardly anyone on the beach which was marvellous and probably means I am a sociopath
Pic.No.12 A double bonus was the fact that Paul had brought his off-road buggy for us to play with (anything involving petrol is generally bloody good fun). Here he is pictured with Izzy who was still grinning after 20 minutes of bouncing around all the dunes and bumps
Pic.No.13 I have to admit that I liked the 'off-roading' bit more than the 'sit on the beach' bit. Quite simply becauase there is no worse feeling than having sand stuck to your sun-tan lotion. In fact, I don't like beaches much at all. That's why I invented Astro-Sand
Pic.No.14 After off-roading, we were all treated to a beach BBQ ........ Nom nom nom
Pic.No.15 The best thing about Akamas beach was that it was littered with these things ...... can you guess what they were? (I reckon the only person who will guess is Masher)
Pic.No.16 Steve, Izzy and Sue paddling in the waves towards the end of the day .........
Pic.No.17 ....... before running away as a couple of large breakers came in
Pic.No.18 And finally, the sun started to set over a chilled day at Akamas ....
Pic.No.19 ..... lighting up a pebble sculpture that Paul had created earlier in the day ....
Pic.No.20 Izzy caught the setting sun in her hand
So dahlink, that was my first day of Cyprus. It was bloody marvellous, but if I could change one thing, I would not have sand involved. It's the devil's spawn. I don't believe that being gritty is natural.
There is more to come on the holidays, but in the meantime, I am going to grab a glass of Bolly and listen to what you have been doing this weekend ...... fire away my lovely ..............!