Anne Dickens | The Day After Yesterday

There's been no mistake that I'm back in England after my jaunt in the U.S. Mainly because it has been solidly pissing it down with rain since I set foot on UK soil.

Not just the odd shower, but an unrelenting barrage of water flooding the roads and footpaths, and testing even the sturdiest of footwear. I have had to endure leaky shoes, leaky boots, a sodden coat, an umbrella destroyed by gales, aqua-planing, and the ball-ache of having to drive at 1mph because of surface water.

The postman knocked on the door this morning to deliver a parcel. I opened it, only to be greeted with howling winds and driving rain.

"This country is shit," stated Mr Postie, proffering my parcel just as a droplet gathered on the end of his nose. I like my postman, I do - he never leaves me wondering.

But what really bugs me, is that despite the fact that the news has confirmed that this April has been the wettest since records began (100 years ago), the government are still implementing drought measures (like the hosepipe ban). What the blazes is going on there then? I have never been to a country where it rains more (except for Ireland and Wales), so what on earth is the government doing with all the bloody water? As always, ineptitude reigns supreme.

Anyway enough of that milarky. Once I get started, I won't stop.

Last weekend was a bit of a busy one. I had spoken to my cousin Jane during the week, and she had told me that she and her bloke (Martin) were moving house (again).

"You daft bat," I exclaimed, "that's the fourth time in three years."

"I know, I know. But I need a bigger kitchen," she said, before adding, "and I really don't know how we are going to move everything with just the two of us. Especially with my bad back, arthritis, wheat allergy, paper-cut, and cesarean section."

I started to suspect that she wanted me to volunteer some help.

And yep, because she is family, I found myself heading up to Loughborough last Saturday to help her and Martin move house.

I also took a few photographs, but not many because there was so much mayhem that I could never find my camera, but enough to give you an idea ........... here goes dahlink.





I was a bit annoyed with myself actually; because they had done some lovely renovations, but I forgot to photograph them. What a joey. I promise I will get some pictures next time.

Suffice to say, that after all that effort, I finally made it back to civilisation (Oxford) following an 80 minute drive. And once back home, there were two things of note: (1) my back was aching like buggery after all that lifting; and (2) following all the rain and grey 'ooop north', I couldn't help but notice that the sun was shining in Oxford. Huzzar!

Marvellous, the hard work was over and ....... I had the evening to myself to chill out and recover ...... NOT.

The exact minute I laid on my sofa (in rural Oxfordshire, it is tradition that you can just walk into other people's houses without knocking), I heard the catch on the back door open, and in bowled Steve and Izzy.

"You lazy git," Steve shouted at me as he came into the house.

"Look Dad, Mama is lying on the sofa, doing nothing," Izzy added, pointing an inch away from my forehead, but looking at Steve.

I groaned and dragged myself up again ..... "have you guys eaten?" I asked wearily.

"Nope," chimed Izzy and Steve simultaneously. 

"I'm not cooking, so we'll have to order a take-away," I said, trying to look weaker and tireder than I was (to get extra sympathy).

"HUZZAR," shouted Steve and Izzy, not noticing anything else at all.

This is my last American post - at least until the next time I break free from Blighty, and turn right to head over the Atlantic ocean, that is.

Today, I thought I would try and dispel some of the misconceptions about Florida. I don't know about elsewhere in the world, but if you say the word 'Florida' to people in the UK, it generally conjures up certain images: a retinue of tattooed (including the kids) and sun burnt Britons, Disney theme parks and fast food.

In fact, if you are British and want to be construed as "cultured", then you have to be seen frowning upon fun stuff, like theme parks, and embracing weird stuff like modern art galleries and playing 'soggy biscuit'. And you have to wear a cardigan and lesbian shoes, and use the words 'superlative' and 'transcendent' a lot to demonstrate your extensive vocabulary. 

It all boils down to the conception that the proles thrive on physical pleasure, whilst the upper echelons favour more cerebral activities.

That's why you have never seen the Queen water-skiing.

And it's also why the common people do nothing but have sex, smoke, buy 52" plasma TVs, and visit theme parks. Allegedly.


Florida does indeed have a lot of theme parks, but the ones I have visited so far (most of them) have been bally good fun .......... despite the fact that they are congested with obese people on mobility scooters (sometimes I think that calories in the US are like cows in India - sacred, and they are desperately trying not to burn off any of the suckers .......).

Anyway, I digress (that's my new hobby that is). Irrespective of whether you are a pikey or posh, there is another side to Florida, away from all the Disney tat. Which is the point of this post.

If you look at Florida on a map, two things are instantly apparent. Firstly, it is the penis of America. And secondly, it is very close to the Caribbean. Which means that it is sub-tropical in north Florida, and fully tropical in the south. Which means an abundance of sunshine, flora and fauna. And on top of that, the whole state is peppered with gorgeous deep blue lakes ...... making it a seriously pretty place to visit (I should be on commission from the Florida tourism board).

In fact I would go so far as to say, that Florida is the Zoolander of American states.

















So dahlink, that is the end of today's tour of Florida. What the blazes have you been up to this week, and have you had the rain that the UK had been experiencing?

Greetings! Although I am technically back in England, I still have American blog posts to write. That's because I didn't manage to finish them off whilst I was there .... mainly because I was preoccupied with stuffing cocktails and scoff down my neck.  

It is crap being back in the UK. From the moment I touched down at Gatwick Airport it was raining, and the situation hasn't changed much over the last week. So in a way it was rather cathartic to put together this post about a trip that Clare and I did whilst in America - it meant I got to see some sunshine again, albeit rather two dimensional sunshine.

Anyway, I digress. For out day out in America, we decided to visit 'Bok Tower Gardens'.

"What the blazes is Bok Tower Gardens?" I hear you cry.

Well, let me explain. In 1863 a bloke called Edward Bok (opens in new window) was born and when he was 6, his whole family moved to America.With him of course, otherwise that would be child cruelty.

Then, after growing up, Bok turned out to be a combination of a 'clever dick' and 'philanthropist'. As an Editor, his magazine 'The Ladies Home Journal' became the most influential publication in the US. As if that wasn't enough, he championed social causes, and strove for world peace (sounds like an applicant in 'Miss World' if you ask me, just needs to add that he loves children).

And the cherry on the cake was a place called 'Bok Tower Gardens'. Bok created the beautiful paradise gardens so that he could bequeath them to the people of America, as a thank you for the opportunities the country had given him (cue - chuck up).

I don't know about you, but if I had that much cash lying around, I would be buying myself a gin palace staffed by scantily clad men, not spunking it on a few bushes. 

Anyway, that's where Clare, Jody (Clare's bloke), and I went for the day - the magnificent Bok Tower Gardens. And because I am like Mother Theresa, except that I don't help as many small children, I have got some (a lot) of pictures for you. So many, it put me off writing the post for a while. I'm easily distracted in the face of largish tasks.














































So dahlink, that was my day trip to Bok Tower Gardens. What on earth have you been up to this weekend and last week? Pray, give me an update.